Reminiscing, Futurising

Four days ago I lost my pen. It was my favourite - all black and curiously shaped in the form of a lady- bug. That is about the same time I lost interest in my Persian-learning experience. It's not funny, neither is it sad the fascinatingly right word is ironic. I guess that was a good lesson, thought to me in the form of a cold shower. You should never, ever (and I mean it) start learning something you don't like. Bad thing is after that cold shower I caught a great deal of a cold. My tongue is swollen and everything tastes wrong. That's pretty sad having in mind I just bought a huge jar of jelly beans...
Three days ago I forgot my mother's birthday. Don't go judging me yet. Because her birthday is today, you see! But I remember that as a child I always looked up to holidays as if those would be the days alien life would finally make contact with us. It's not late yet, that is what I tell myself every year. Sometimes I sit on the porch of my home town house feeling like a child waiting for Santa. I don't crave the presence, it is the magic I miss on lately.
Two days ago I had a dream. I am making it sound like something special but since I have dreams every night it's not. This one, however, was different. I was so enraged, full of hate and spite...Maybe those are all the emotions that never come up to the surface. On the other hand, I do get very emotional and in that case the dream just showed me how bad it could happen.
Yesterday I saw the future I could have had but gave up upon. Strange how it always hurts to know you could have made a different choice even being happy with where you are at present. I don't have any regrets but that doesn't keep me from wondering...
Today I learned to live with my choices! I didn't want to study Persian but I am. My pen is gone and I should have known better than to get attached to a fake lady bug. My mom will always have her birthday on this date and on this date I will always have my childish wishes, and she- her child. In the end dreams will forever be dreams, until we let them become reality.
Keep dreaming!
I'll be on the porch...