Hot, green, morning, cinnamon, mint, peach, men, pen, paper, Atos,before bed time...
The morning air is cold today,colder than usual. I can feel it going up my nostrils and stirring a nasty cocktail of pinchy pain for later. I am not my usual self today, as well.
I heard the sound of splashing waves last night. As if Poseidon himself was at my door step and lured me into deep waters. But I couldn't go. Water never means safety for me, and myself from last night yearned stability. And as I was sitting on the ice cold floor beside my bed, for a very tiny fracture of a very short second, I understood I remember.
Like a staggering call from a not yet lived past... And I knew I was there before, here afterwards. All those feelings I have already lived through. The Fear that comes afterwards is like an old friend.
Is it possible that in these glimpses I'm someone else, the one who has chosen this path for me?
I am afraid not of the unknown but of what exists somewhere in my memory and awaits to become my past.
Choices are tough. Should I go, should I stay and fight, or stay and do nothing. I would love to believe that mumbo jumbo crap about there no being wrong choices. But honestly, I am not that naive. There HAS to be a path that was meant to be taken. And I do not wish to wonder whether the road I had to go turns out to be the one not taken...
I am not my usual self today. And there goes the rabbit out of a sad looking cap.
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